1,340,000
Total women whom I could have met, talked to, and fallen in love with, in my lifetime.

Leading up to Life 3.0 - Love, Sex, and Tech, we researched how many possible love matches there are for any one person. At any point in your life there are 1,340,000 possible love matches for you. How do you decide which one?

Legend says, when you cannot sleep at night, it is because you are awake in someone else's dream...

The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it!

I used to wonder what it was like to read people's minds.
Now that I'm on Facebook, I'm over it.

I aim to please! If I don't please you, then its obvious you weren't my target!

I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one!

No, I haven't met Mr. Right! But I have met Mr. Liar, Mr. Player, Mr. Asshole & Mr. Douchebag!

Men say they do not trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die,
well I don't trust anything with 2 heads and 1 brain!

Just be yourself. All the good personalities are taken.

Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.

I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs!

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance? ツ

Anyone can quit smoking, it takes a real man to fight cancer.

Sometimes it's hard work making myself look this busy.

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it's one of two things: either a new girl, or a new car!

“It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.”

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.”

Never steal. The government hates competition!

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining!

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half!

Don't worry about the people in your past... There's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

Friendship isn't about who you've known the longest, it's who came by your side and never left.

There's always a little truth behind every 'jk', a little knowledge behind every 'idk', a little emotion behind every 'idc', and a little pain behind every 'it's OK'

I'm not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one!

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” 
- Carl Jung

“Endless torments dwell about thee:
Yet who would live, and live without thee!”
~Addison—Rosamond. Act III. Sc. 2.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”
~Robert Frost

Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's listening. Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt before. Live like there's no tomorrow!

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen.

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

When I was born, my parents hit the jerkpot.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

BECOME an unpaid, on-call IT Support person by letting your neighbours know you 'work in computers a bit.

Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.

I can't face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.

I hadn't realized until Facebook that most of my friends are wannabe farmers, gangsters or cooks.

What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I stare, I smile & when I get tired, I put the mirror down!

Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?

Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible that way!

Today, so far you have failed to impress me. I am, however, willing to remain open minded.

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Nobody's a virgin...life screws us all.

Cell phones are the only thing about which men sit around and brag who's got the smallest.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! ツ

Your display picture is a car? Sorry, I didnt realize you were a transformer!

Girls are magic. They can get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard!

Nobody is perfect. I am a nobody. Therefore, I am perfect.

Nice guys are ugly, hot guys are jerks, and hot nice guys are g*y.

If I were any cooler I'd give myself freezer burn...

Today I broke my record for the number of days I haven't died. I plan on breaking it again tomorrow.

Dude...I watch all the CSI's, Ncis, and Criminal Minds. I can make your death look like an accident.

Heaven don't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over!!

I'm not ignoring you, I'm waiting to see if you'll make the effort... for once!

Edward isn't a Vampire , He lives in the forest , he doesn't eat people ,and he sparkles. Hes obviously a Fairy.

A girl needs a blood transfusion, so her boyfriend gives her his. Months later they break up, and he wants his blood back. So she hands him a tampon and says she'll make monthly payments.

When I die i give my friend permission to change my status to "is chillin' with jesus"

'iPad is thin. iPad is beautiful.' - My laptop now has self esteem issues thanks to the advert.

I say "OUCH!" before I'm even sure it hurt... just in case.

You'd be in great shape, if you ran like your mouth.

No one likes a smartass. Yeah well, no one likes a dumbass either.

In order to keep an open mind, I am trying to avoid learning anything.

I may look calm, but in my head, I have already killed you three times.

AWW! Hes 18 And Shes 14. Thats Not A Relationship, Thats Babysitting! :)

The vampire is cooler. The werewolf is hotter.

Go ahead, break my heart... Dont worry. I have watched enough crime shows to know what to do with your body.

If you watch Cinderella backwards, its a movie about a woman who learns her place.

An ex is called an ex because its an EXample of what you shouldnt have again in the future!

I wont be angry if i saw my EX, FLIRTING with other people. Oh comon! I know how to SHARE my OLD TOYS to the POOR. :)

i stepped on a cornflakes, does that mean im a cereal killer?

Dora, the banana tree is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FREAKIN FACE....... and you call yourself an explorer.

i am so good at cooking even the smoke alarm is cheering me on :D

I want to live in a world where chickens can cross a road without their motives being questioned!

some people are like pennies, 2 faced and useless

If you are talking behind my back, you are in a good position to kiss my ass.

Chocolate is the answer and i dont give a damn about the question !!

My business aint your business, so unless youre my thong, dont be up my ass.

vampires must go mad when bella has her period!

Indian translation of ‘Size Zero’ - Na Bum Na Seena.. Phir bhi Haseena!!

I started saving all my computer files in a folder called “The World”..so now I feel like a superhero every time I click the save button!

It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening !!

If God answers your prayer, He is increasing your faith. If He delays, He is increasing your patience. If He doesn’t answer, He knows you can handle it.

Be a girl with a mind. A bitch with an attitude. A lady with a class.

Too many people buy things they don't need, with money they don't have, trying to impress people they don't even like.

Don't worry about what you heard about me. I might have done little dirt and left a few of them hurt but whatever has occured, they all got what they deserved.

Let's become little old ladies together- we'll stay up late looking at old pictures, telling "remember when" stories, and laughing till our sides ache. Let's become eccentric together- the kind of old ladies who take long walks, wear silly hats, and get away with acting outrageous in public places. And if anybody should ask how long we've been friends, we'll say, "Oh, forever - since before you were even born!" Let's become little old ladies together- because a friendship that's as special as ours can only grow better through the year!

when you miss me, just look up into the night sky and remember: i'm like a star, sometimes you can't see me but i'm always there.

If anyone ever tells you that your work is unprofessional, remember: amateurs built the Ark and professionals built the Titanic.

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley

If someone does not see you in their future, it's time to put them in your past.

Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

Find someone...
who'll never get tired of kissing you everyday
who'll hug you when  you are jealous
who'll understandingly keep silent when you're mad
who'll squeeze your hand, when you're not in the mood
who'll plan & imagine the future with you in it

and when you find that someone
JUST NEVER LET GO!

Dont take me for granted, coz unlike the others I am not afraid to walk away...

I'm not the girl your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this good.

I'm not shy, I'm just examining my prey

Just because I laugh a lot,
doesnt mean my life is easy
Just because I have a smile
on my face everyday, doesnt mean
something is not bothering me
I just choose to move on, and not
dwell on all the negatives in my life
Every new moment gives me
the chance to renew anew
I choose to be that

It's the space between the bars that holds the tiger.